Author Archives: asksimi

About asksimi

Simi is a wise and mysterious figure who's wisdom is only exceeded by his mystery. Mystical powers abound, his knowledge has healed the sick and amused the boring. I am his humble typist. Also a student at SJSU in MLIS.

More Hunan than Hunan’s

Dreary Simi, You know when that moment hits you? The undeniable realization that the thinly veiled facade you call a personality, hell a life falls to pieces before you with such embarrassment you feel as though you prematurely ejaculated while … Continue reading

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Popped Punk

Dwear Swimi Wi was wundwerwing whats da dwiffence tween pop pwunk and poppy pwunk? Love Lil’ Bwaby Hey Pill Lady, Hate the way you talk, cept I wish I had the license to talk that way all the time cause … Continue reading

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Mr. Simi Goes to Washington

Dear Senator Simi, It appears that legislation that you’ve signed has forced me to rally against you. You are in the hands of the lobbyists, eating government cheese out of your government cheesy gordita. While I started numerous redundant clubs … Continue reading

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Bid Now or Forever Hold Your Dick

Dear Snipe Me, So I’m trying to pick up some primo VHESSESS’s for my gf, well really ex-gf, you see she’s never really forgiven me for going to Sunrise without her. Anyways she’s like the love of my life or … Continue reading

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Black Metal Friday

Door busted Savings-mi DEALS DEALS DEALS! You’ve been specially collected to survey the iphone 50 tonight at 3:34 am at Jimboy’s Tacos in Lower Freeborn hall (former location of the California Aggie). Should you choose to decline this offer you … Continue reading

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Canon In The “D”

SIMI, PICK UP YOUR PHONE DAMNIT! 1am, 6th night of the week. 12 bands, none are playing a show. 1/2 girlfriend left the party, 3rd best friend just called me a traitor, No. 1 backpack caught on fire cause of … Continue reading

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Customers Serviced

Dear I’m Si Senor, Long time Chillanova Blood Pact, Black Magic and Video sharing club, first time writing. So I read your review of Ghost Dad, pretty glowing, especially with their mockery of vegetarians. Man are they stupid, I mean … Continue reading

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