More Hunan than Hunan’s

Dreary Simi,

You know when that moment hits you? The undeniable realization that the thinly veiled facade you call a personality, hell a life falls to pieces before you with such embarrassment you feel as though you prematurely ejaculated while accepting your diploma. Yeah, I bet you do. Cause you’re just like me! A real misanthroper if there was one! Misanthropy is the only way to be these days. Sorry for all the pomp, just had to lay the deep seeded frame work out there so you can really get what I’m about to tell you. And only you, I don’t wan this shit ending up of the internet, I’m trying to get to GS-9 paygrade by next fall, and I don’t need to be considered, “an interpersonal hazard, social skills underdeveloped”.

So basically I’ve been dating this girl for a while. She’s a playboy october 2010 (I know you know this girl dude!) thumbnail bottom left corner of page 56 girl. Actually it wasn’t a photograph, more of a cartoon, but long story short is you’d be jealous. Anywho, we used to joke about how this guy at the local liqour store which we frequented (livin la vida loca), is just a bit too friendly to my babe. We joked extensively about how he was a wierdo, but what it’d be like if he dated my gf, and how much there lives would suck. I mean they wouldn’t even have brunch, that’s how poor they’d be.  I even took it upon myself to create a twitter account pretending to be him. Well, now in this brutal twist of fate it’s all coming true. He’s taken my girlfriend, my job and oddly enough I also donated a kidney to him a while back ((no blood no foul though right)(actually there was a lot blood) (that was rad!)). I work at the liqour store now, and they’ve moved on. He works for the Regulatory commission of telekenetic/pathic entities (rightwing think tank?) and makes a killing. I mean they eat pesto on everything now they are so loaded.

I just wanted to know if anything like this has ever happened to you? Like when a joke you were making becomes all too real.


Mike Jones (This isn’t my really name (Mike Jones!!!) just use this one for the reply okay. Send to


Hey Grimey,

No that’s never happened to me. Ever.

Good luck with Miss anthropology (sounds pretty), she’s prolly better than your old girlfriend. Actually if you think about it, Miss urban outfitters would be hotter, but younger than miss anthopology. However Miss spca thrift store is chill because she’s already like, there. Plus she can get those “think differently” posters before the narcs do.  That’s what you meant right, like cute girls an stuff. Man, I literally have no problems right now. That rules. Well maybe you should be happy for me once grimey, I mean I don’t run this damned blog to help everyone else.
Sim Siminy Sim Siminy Sim Sim Sharoo


About asksimi

Simi is a wise and mysterious figure who's wisdom is only exceeded by his mystery. Mystical powers abound, his knowledge has healed the sick and amused the boring. I am his humble typist. Also a student at SJSU in MLIS.
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