Mr. Simi Goes to Washington

Dear Senator Simi,

It appears that legislation that you’ve signed has forced me to rally against you. You are in the hands of the lobbyists, eating government cheese out of your government cheesy gordita. While I started numerous redundant clubs to get healthy food made by cute WEF babes on campus, your new bill, SB666 Pizza is not just food, but a Religion, allows Little Caesars to get tax exempt status and open more locations. Now the Grandma Munchkins Health Food Depot, Eat Nothing and Like it, and Foods Hole are all shutting down. Even Subway! What will happen to the children!

Concerned Parent

Dear Unlearned Pheasant,

WAIT! Hold the presses! Stuff the crusts! Calm the potpurri! If Subway’s closing that means, that there’s a Lil Chi (aka “x”) right next to Fluffer Dino’s (aka Fluffy Donuts). See you there at 3pm SAT, when donuts are at there best.

PS. Judging by your extracurricular activities you obviously sell pot while your social utopia dreams are on hold, so should bring some.

PSS Not really a Senator, only said that so people would stop sending me mail. Didn’t work out, apparently.

Bummer about your kids getting fat, if it helps I won’t make fun of them, they can even come over and drink beer. Don’t sweat it’s light beer.

Slimi Jimi

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About asksimi

Simi is a wise and mysterious figure who's wisdom is only exceeded by his mystery. Mystical powers abound, his knowledge has healed the sick and amused the boring. I am his humble typist. Also a student at SJSU in MLIS.
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