Bid Now or Forever Hold Your Dick

Dear Snipe Me,

So I’m trying to pick up some primo VHESSESS’s for my gf, well really ex-gf, you see she’s never really forgiven me for going to Sunrise without her. Anyways she’s like the love of my life or whatever, hottest chick I’ve ever bed with n’ stuff and I can’t stand to not be vaguely considered a guy she once slept with. Xmas is important in my family, as in we love it. Like a Santa making out with another Santa loves it. So anyways I’m high bidz on Rietzthearchivietz exclusive double copy of Goons Do Gooners Two, packed with Never Say I Didn’t Warn You About Men 2: If I Had Another Chance I Would Have Remembered Your Name. All of a sudden they’re snatched up by some psycho named, Simiordietrying. I hot wired five JVC’s and a Realistic RCA Switcher and ran a trace route over my government subsidized digital television antennae and discovered that I had internet. Then I searched Simi on Lycos and found a bunch of hot indian girls. Couple hours later, (wink, wink) I discovered this here blog, and I do suspect you have been taking all my precious cassettes.

Sam Benkins Greenvine

Dear Yam Bakin Zine Guy,

First off, check out my adult site, whenasimimeetsasimi.porn. Couple hours later you’ll realize that I in fact have sniped your entire eBay queue. Bro or No Bro 2, mine! 2000 Dudes in A Tub, mine! The french bavarian neorealist thriller If American’s Only Knew, They Wouldn’t Talk So Much mine!. And upon writing this I’ve just captured the last copy of, An American Guy In Line for Food. Tough luck young buck, maybe you should ditch the fake girlfriend if your gonna run with young go-hards like moowa. See you at the library…

 

Roy to the World, Roy is Home, He bought some weed for me.

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About asksimi

Simi is a wise and mysterious figure who's wisdom is only exceeded by his mystery. Mystical powers abound, his knowledge has healed the sick and amused the boring. I am his humble typist. Also a student at SJSU in MLIS.
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