Door busted Savings-mi
DEALS DEALS DEALS! You’ve been specially collected to survey the iphone 50 tonight at 3:34 am at Jimboy’s Tacos in Lower Freeborn hall (former location of the California Aggie). Should you choose to decline this offer you will be severely punished in many style aspects of your consumer life. 20% off coolness. 60% off chill. 4 babe rebate to your best friends after loss of virginity. No condoms apply. Free sticky pillow and medicinal bean curd with every purchase. Void where intoxicated.
Those who do accept will be on the cutting edge of technology for 9 whole minutes. New AI tells you when to poo, and how to talk to your children.
Dear coolest computer program in the universe,
You are meaner than me. You are faster than me. You are more irreverent and incorrect than me and you don’t even know what that is. You misspell words even though your brain is a dictionary. Who made you? You must be from a post-human form of myself calling back through the ages via dreamweaver or excel. Oh wait john made you. Yeah I remember him saying something about that. It was kinda like, “Hey simi I’ve been recording everything you said for the last six months and put it into a script to send mean emails to you and your loved ones. Is that okay?” I couldn’t hear him over the racket of pool balls in the garage so I just said yes on the condition that he steals me some cigarettes from work. USA golds are so good! Well time to cook thanksgiving. I think I’ll change things up a bit and make an omelette full of “thawed” frozen vegetables.