SIMI, PICK UP YOUR PHONE DAMNIT!
1am, 6th night of the week. 12 bands, none are playing a show. 1/2 girlfriend left the party, 3rd best friend just called me a traitor, No. 1 backpack caught on fire cause of idiot (THAT GIRL WASN’T EVEN HOT SHE HAD NO EXCUSE TO BE DUMB!), and I’m biking around davis like some 18 year co-ed rushing back to the dorms for late night. I know you know, that what I know, should have been known about 6 hours ago before all the drug dealers passed out mid-Pizzerolas on the couch watching skate videos. The hippies are all out hunting flies, and now I’m standing in an empty driveway where my friend used to live, and I’m thinking about calling my mom for drugs. What happened to those hot chicks you used to live with who got high everyday and baked cakes just to destroy them?
Dear Peeing Finger,
UH, Simi said he way too high to take any questions, so it’s your 2nd in command, the Pen-ultimate Villanova chillbot, Roy the Golden FUN Boy, Werner. SO wouldn’t this make for a great sit com huh? You, me and canon in the “D.” You know”na na-na-na nananananan” Simi laughed at that one. The “D”! I’m a regular Logan Russel Taylor over here. Guess that makes you a Neil. Call him, he can put out a call for weed on KDVS.org. OR just name drop KERN. Not the nectar, although I wouldn’t mind that right now. Can’t read the Del Taco menu without my glasses, but I’ll be damned if I where those. Then people won’t mistaken me for Elvis out of the corner of their eye. Not that they do, but, you gotta wonder why they don’t. I’ll just order it anyways. Anywho, name dropping KERN will gain you access to about 7% of davis households. Although that may sound like a low number, it’s quite impressive, expecially if you know the guy. Which you probably should if you’re going to drop his name. Coffee, beer, drums, long hair, you’ll just make up the rest. Best of luck, I’d hook you up myself, but we’ve been in line for an hour, and no end in site.