Crayon I Burrow Sum Monet

My Dear Little Honeybear Simi,

Mama bear has hit some little troubles living in the big city. Need to borrow a little fast cash for the month to pay off my astrologer. She’s basically going to disconnect me from the universe if I don’t pay off my tarot tab. On a related note, gotta pay the internet too, if not I’d really be cut off from the world. Accidentally downloaded a blueray at 5am from iTunes while I was trying to drown out the morning Bright Eye remixes by Das Racist and crashed the whole network. Apparently the Internet is a big deal to my room mates, (what did they do in 1990?).

So were looking at damages of like 2-3 g’s. Just a blip on the radar for you buffer stud. I’ll use some of it for my bills, my telephone bills, my automo-bills, then maybe I can chill…for awhile. The rest will go towards my new Burning-Man themed restaurant chain called Burners (like on a stove, but that’s also what they call themselves you know). You’ll be the angel investor, and you’ll get your share three times over guarenteed. They’ll be dancing and “free” 10 dollar cocktails, and some heat lamps indoors to make it feel like the desert. The menu will just be an amalgamation of Chili’s and Chevy’s, and actually everything else will be like an applebees, but you know, it’ll be DIY cause I did it.

man.i.dont.feel.like.it@gmail.com

Dear Mam, Why don’t yee like shit?

No.

ps. Just found 40 checks in a pizza box “under” my bed. “Under my bed” is also a new place.

$$$oh!no!ya!@babemail.ca

Dick Shitmi,

I put down five bucks to start your misspelled half-assed, ghostwritten insulted filled, non-nonsensical, inside joke-filled crap shoot, that we write on at tis very moment. You think a blog is free or something? I’m pulling my shares out of asksimi inc right now. You’re going to take a bath.

And another thing, now without any Internet we’ve been forced to use “old media” for our art. WHAT GALLERY IS GOING TO TAKE A FUCKING PAINTING HUH?

Thanks for shitting on my dreams, putting them on a frozen pizza, them falling asleep before you eat my dreams.

fuck.simi.corpse@hellisntsobad.hell

Dear Having sex with my dead self,

Well I made about 500,000 dollars from a garage sale this last weekend. Guess I had a lot of stuff or something. Sold everything for five cents too. Thanks for the tip on the Asksimi stock too, I traded out into facebook, and rode F8 hype till I rebought after you crashed it. I don’t even know what I just said. But, yeah why don’t you come to Davis I miss you.

ps. you weren’t serious about that whole money thing right? I need my money for new stuff dude, no comprendo?

S|m|

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About asksimi

Simi is a wise and mysterious figure who's wisdom is only exceeded by his mystery. Mystical powers abound, his knowledge has healed the sick and amused the boring. I am his humble typist. Also a student at SJSU in MLIS.
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