Word Choices

Dear Seemoo,

I just met this girl and all, and you know I want to set myself apart from her ex-boyfriends. So I like to make all these weird words an all, cause my vocabulary ain’t so good an all. You know. Stuff like if you really like a girl, and she gets you’re heart pounding sheet metal in your dad’s beer-fart garage you say, “I have a heart boner for you.” Or better yet like use the word “guy” instead of any pronoun you know. Like “That dog is a guy.” Girls like little things like that to remember you by right?


Vinnie Rutabega

Dear Skinny Stupid Faker,

I was once like you, uttering whatever mindless pun or alteration I could to make myself chuckle. Well actually I still do that but you’re concept of heart boner is problematic. Some may interpret that to mean that you mix “sexual” intimacy with emotions, which is rather improbable. As for “guy” as an adjective, I’d take it one step further and make it the ultimate suffix. Simiguy, says Vinnieguy should use guy, on his girlguy to get win guy and guy her guyguy. That worked on my ex-wife and she doesn’t even speak English. But hey who’s counting. Overall, Vineguy Sweetguy, you need to be honest and let her know how you feel, not masquerade your thoughts in vague made up words. That’s for her to do. BING.



About asksimi

Simi is a wise and mysterious figure who's wisdom is only exceeded by his mystery. Mystical powers abound, his knowledge has healed the sick and amused the boring. I am his humble typist. Also a student at SJSU in MLIS.
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